Posted in Rants, Relationships

The Guest List

Wedding planning has been put on the back burner with my life being so crazy at the moment. And when I say put on the back burner I mean taken off the stove entirely. The other day my wedding planning app – LadyMarry – alerted me that I haven’t been on it in a while and maybe I should see if there’s anything on my checklist that I may need to look at.

I opened the app and looked at the guest list. I don’t want to invite anyone on that list. I told Emma that we should have stuck to the plan and just got married at the courthouse and that would be it. She said we could still just get married at the courthouse and then have a family bonfire afterward. I told her I don’t want to have a party. I don’t want people.


I have a part of many weddings and this is no shocker — WEDDINGS ARE NEVER ABOUT THE TWO PEOPLE GETTING MARRIED. This makes me more and more upset as time goes by. Weddings are always about the guests. We gotta make sure the guests are fed. We gotta make sure the guests are having fun. Where are the guests going to stay if they live out of town. And at this point….


The more I think about it… the more I’m liking the idea that Emma suggested. Courthouse and then bonfire afterward. I told her that I may and probably change my mind later when I’m not dealing with a post-surgery daughter and homework that’s up to my eyeballs.

I just want to get married. That’s it. I want to be the best wife and stepmom I can be and start having awesome adventures – and some misadventures – with my giant blended family.

Posted in Family, Rants

Rant: People. What a Bunch of Bastards

So I guess it’s my turn to have a super bad day. This morning mom asked me about the arrangements about when BD was picking the girls up when I left. I told her that he only has one week of vacation. She said that’s bullcrap and got super mad. She said she was just going to make herself unavailable. Do you think that’s going to hurt BD? Nope. Because he’s unavailable too. It hurts me because no one wants to watch my girls!

So now I’m upset. I told BD to call me. I asked him if he got that week off yet. And he said he didn’t get an answer yet because of people taking off and job positions being moved around. He didn’t know if he would be getting that week off. Great!! So now I am stressing cuz I have to come up with a plan B.

I text my sisters talking about the situation. I said that everyone has dropped the ball a month before I leave when I had this planned 6 months ago. Sister #2 said she will take them for a week. I sent a text to BD saying that it’s only fair that he finds a plan B since he was the one that told me those weeks were ok before I booked my flights.

He was able to find someone for a week and I was excited to call mom and tell her it’s all planned out and she has two weeks off.

I call her and I can tell that she’s been crying. I told her the plan and she said that’s alright. She didn’t want to burden Sister #2. It’s not a burden if she is taking them willfully. I didn’t even ask Sister #2. She just offered. And then mom goes on to say how BD is a pathetic father and how his wife is not acting like a Christian. And she’s even more pissed than when I left her.

Are you kidding me!?!? I was happy to have things fixed but now I feel like shit because mom is still not happy. Ugh!!!

Moral of the story: I can not make everyone happy.


/end rant

Posted in Rants, Relationships

Rant: This Time of Year Sucks.

Every year around this time, EJ has to set her clocks forward. Which means our time difference goes up to 17 hours.  The only good thing that comes of this is that I sometimes get to tell her good night before she goes to bed if she stays up late.

Other than that…. it really really sucks!! I have to wait so long for her to wake up now. Luckily most days I’m at work and that passes the time. 

But seriously…. Ugh!

/end rant

Posted in God, LGBT, Rants

My Heartbreaks in Two

and then in two again.  It’s a very sad situation when you’re a Christian and a Lesbian.  Both sides are hurting.  Both sides are being dealt with injustices and horrors.  I logged into my email and there was a message from stating that Bible translators had been killed. Then I log into WordPress and read a story of someone’s misfortunes and fears as traveling as a trans individual.

I understand that Christians are feeling threatened.  I even understand why some won’t perform marriages or make wedding cakes for same-sex couples.  I understand why the LGBT+ community is angry at the discrimination.  I’ve been in this community for only a short time because I came out to myself last year.  Even though I’m new to this, I know that this battle has been long and hard for the LGBT+ community.  Finally, enough is enough for them.  They (I guess I can say “We”) have been bullied and beat and killed enough. We are humans just like everyone else. We do not deserve this.

Christians have also been persecuted, beaten and killed because of our beliefs. I’ve been bullied and yelled at and hurt because people think that Christianity is dumb and God is dead.  Things are changing with this new found confidence from the LGBT+ community.  I feel Christians are ill equipped for this.  I feel that we have been taught hate for so long. We have been threatened by hell fire if we even look or talk at a gay person.  It’s so sad that we are not equipped correctly when God has given us the tools all along. The greatest of these is Love.  

As a Christian, I do not believe that someone should force me to waiver on my beliefs and faith.  As a Lesbian, I do not believe that Christians should be so hateful and closed minded and hide behind Uncle Sam.  If you do not want to marry a gay couple, you shouldn’t have to. If you don’t want to bake a cake for a gay person, you shouldn’t have to.  When I go out looking for an officiant to marry me and my girl, I want someone who wants to marry us and gives us his or her blessings.  Why would I want to force it on someone?  There are so many people and businesses out there that will cater to the LGBT+ community.  We should be supporting them.  Not forcing someone who does not want to do it.

These are just my opinions.  Sorry it’s so scattered and everywhere.  My heart is breaking for my two communities.  I hope one day we can all love one another like it was commanded in that Great Book a lot of people are swinging as a hateful weapon.

Posted in God, Rants

It Will Be Painless… I Promise!

If you know me, then you know that I am not the political type of girl.  I’m probably the worse kind of American when it comes to government and the awareness of such things.  But, I’ve done I’m fair share of reading blogs and overhearing the news and listening to what’s being spoken around the water cooler to know that this election really kind of sucks!

The issues I’m having with this is the Christians that are trying to claw their way into the political scene.  They’re trying to make laws that everyone in the nation has to abide in.  Hmmmm…. this sounds an awful like a group of people that Jesus wasn’t too fond of.  All around the States, there has been sermons of the Nation being doomed.  This is actually been a sermon that has been preached since the dawn of this Nation.  But somehow, church leaders are saying this is different this time.

What needs to be redefined is the separation of church and state.  Church leaders are trying to get laws passed that are a part of our Christian doctrine.  Forcing people who aren’t Christians to live by Christian law.  What Christians need to accept is that we are counter-cultural.  We are not mainstream.  We should embrace this!  Once we accept this, we can come together and pray for our leaders of the Nation and the Church.

If you are against abortion, don’t get an abortion.  If you are against same-sex marriages, don’t get married to someone of the same-sex.  Am I saying that we should just lay down let Christianity be in the background?  Not at all!  We need to more than ever show the world our light!  We need to let people know there is a way to a fulfilling and joyful life!  We need to help others and spread the Good News at the same time!  We need to make our God proud of His children.

About a month or so ago, we had a message from God at our church.  It was translated into that He will win this Nation again.  What God promises, God delivers.  So, are we supposed to sit back and just say “Well, God said He will win it.  So, we’ll just let Him get to it.”  Uh. No.  We are stewards to His people.  We are to go out and spread the Good News.  We are to help the sick, poor, and dying  We are show the world that Christians are doing what the Lord set us out to do when He blessed His first disciples.  He will win this Nation but only with our help.  With our prayers.  With our love of ALL mankind.  Only then, will our Nation begin to heal again.

Posted in exes, Rants

Special Bonus Rant: The Baby Daddy and His Wife

If you have been following me, you should know I schedule my posts for Wednesday evenings and Saturday mornings.  Which makes this a special edition whine fest!  LUCKY YOU!!

I got a disturbing text from the girls’ step mom last night:

His Wife: “Baby Daddy” and I already talked and we can’t keep dealing with this every weekend whether it’s one or the other or both.

Me:  So what do you mean? You’re not going to take them now?

His Wife:  If THEY want to come, then they can come… but if they don’t then they can stay with you.  He said we aren’t going to make them miserable.  And we don’t want them to come because you told them to… its gotta be their choice.

Well this prompted me calling the BD’s phone and of course no answer.  So, I called the wife’s phone.  Basically they don’t want the girls over when they are all depressed and such.  I said it wasn’t fair to me because I am “Mom and Dad” 26 or 27 days a month.  I deserve a break.  She said I broke up with BD so it was my choice to be a single mom.

I was floored!  We all three have gotten along great!  And now all of the sudden they don’t want the girls when they are all pouty and miserable when they don’t get their way.  We’ll just pawn them off on their mom.  Seems legit because I decided to break up with him.  My requests for time for myself have been deny only if the girls are perfectly happy.  Which my oldest never is.  And that has never changed.

Then she went on and on about my lifestyle.  And how I’m confusing the girls because at one point mommy liked boys but now she likes girls.  She said I shouldn’t add to their confusion with being depressed because they are over at their dad’s.  I have been very open with the girls.  My oldest is frankly over the moon about EJ (Honey Bee) and my youngest is a little reserved about it but it’s not because I am in love with a woman.  It’s because she wants her mom to herself and she hates when I date.  I am going to take them out for ice cream some time this week and have an open dialogue with them.  See if they have any questions or concerns.

I have always raised the girls to be aware of all types of relationships.  Straight and LGBT.  I have never allowed them to hate because of difference.  All relationships are equal when there is love involved.  I have never raised them to be intolerant.  So, that hasn’t changed.

My sister and mom think I should take them to court.  But I don’t want to go that route.  They didn’t say they never want to see them.  They just don’t want to see them when they are miserable.  I just don’t want to start the ugliness if I don’t have to.

What are your thoughts?  Am I being a crazy person and I shouldn’t think anything of it and let my 9 and 11 year old decide to go over to their dad’s or not.  OR am I being completely sane in saying that they are not old enough to make the decision?

Thoughts and prayers on this situation is much needed!!