Thoughts from the Shower #1

As I was standing in the shower shaving my armpits, my eyes fell upon my shower gel. The French word for wash is douche. So, have people been insulting others by calling them a cleanser? Is it really that insulting to a guy to be called a cleanser inserted into a vagina? I thought straight guys like vaginas. 

That’s just a peek into my brain pan. Y’all should be scared.

Posted in Ponderings, USA

Profile of a Trump Supporter — BeautyBeyondBones

I was going to do a cheeky post on Taylor Swift or something, but…I just couldn’t. As much as I realllly didn’t want to write about the election, ignoring the state of our nation right now just didn’t sit well with me. Scrolling through social media and watching the news today, there was definitely a […]

via Profile of a Trump Supporter — BeautyBeyondBones

For those of you who are too afraid to ask a Trump Supporter (like I have been), here’s a beautifully written post about it. Although, I do not agree with some of the points, it was written with compassion and intelligence.

Posted in Ponderings

Things That Make You Go Hmmmm… 

It’s amazing how after coming out to myself, things start to make sense.   There have been days when it’s slow at work or I’m bored at home that I’ll just sit and reminisce and realize that I have been gay all of my life.  For example, how I would only chase little girls around the playground when I was in kindergarten.  Or having crushes on most of my best friends in Jr. High and Sr. High School.


I saw the pic above a couple years ago before I figured out my inclination towards the ladies.
  
My kids’ father and I have a special bond. He’s one of my best friends (even if he won’t admit it) and a lot of people don’t understand it. I used to not understand it. I saw that pic and thought maybe I was still in love with him even though I had no desire to be in a physical relationship with him.

Then I came out. OH! Ok! I never was in love with him like that.
  I love him very much. He’s a great father who’s hilarious and all around good guy. But I was never attracted to him physically. I never knew why until I met EJ.

Posted in Ponderings

“One of These Days I’ll Find a Human That Actually Listens”

I read another anti-gay post. Yes. After my better half forbade me to read them. She’s like the Doctor and I’m her companion who goes off chasing a kitten in London after dark and I find myself in the middle of some kind of galactic throw down after she’s told me to stay put. Oh! I feel sorry for her! I just don’t listen.

This one wasn’t so bad though. It was actually quite interesting. This woman tells of how she was gay and how she thought only a woman could love her how she needed to be loved. She strayed from God and started serving her own personal God. She had to rearrange her whole life to accommodate her gay lifestyle. She didn’t feel free. She was in several affairs with married men and she would flirt with lesbians. Once she focused back on God, she found the love of her life. God sent her a husband and they have a son. She is so much happier because she’s no longer gay.

I’m very proud of her turning her life back around. God can do amazing things in your life! But I would like to say that I am having doubts that she was gay in the first place. Before I came out to myself and accepted who I am, I was what the dictionary would define as your run of the mill slut. I was having affairs with married men. I was having sex everywhere. I was gross and I was lucky that the only thing I caught was HPV which is bad but that’s for another blog post.

After I came out to myself, I became closer to God. My focus has been more directed on him. Of course I slip up and I sometimes don’t feel like I deserve Him in my life. But now, I don’t sleep around and I’m waiting for marriage to have sex. I am just a better place morally. I feel happy for once in my life.

We are living in a revolution, dearies. The LGBT+ community is getting a voice. We are being seen as humans and not as perverted nut jobs. And that is a beautiful thing! We still have a long way to go but it’s turning the corner.

The moral of the story is that we are all different. I believe that there are straight people out there thinking that they are gay but really aren’t just as there are gay people like myself and my Honey Bee that thought we were straight but really aren’t. Be true to yourself. Have God guide your ways and do not be ashamed on the path that He shows you. Be proud and be bold in who you are and His love and light will touch those around you and they will want what you have.

Posted in Ponderings

The Funny Thing About Depression

I really shouldn’t say the funny. There isn’t anything funny about depression. I suppose I should say the interesting thing about my depression is that it latches on to any aspect of my life that could be better. I thought I was rid of it. I thought that my hiding in the closet was causing me sadness and shame. I thought I found my root to my depression. The fact of the matter is the root to my depression is a chemical imbalance.

Doctors would tell me that I had the possibility to not have to be on medication for my depression for the rest of my life. I always had that hope. But now that my life is really at its peak, my mind has found new and exciting ways to show me that my life is not all that great.

Like I said in my last post, I had been stressing about multiple things in my life. And my brain just can not compute all of this new information. I started talking to EJ about the possibility that I may have to go back on my happy pills. I was so worried that I would lose my creative edge. But now, I’m starting to lose interest in things that I love. This is including writing. Well, that’s a hell of a lot worse than losing my edge.

Then there are those folks that talk about how I’m just not believing hard enough. God will deliver me through the depression. Then I start feeling shitty again about not being a good enough Christian. But there is a lady at our church who has been faithful and believes with all her heart that she will be delivered from the pain and she has been in pain for years and years. Did I mention that I’m even not getting joy of church anymore? It’s hard to be a pessimist and a Christian. Well, for me it is. How can I have hope when I feel there is no hope.

I don’t even want to listen to music. I just want to sit in silence and do nothing.

This morning, I made the decision to go back on my pills. I just can’t live like this. I can’t see how anyone else can. It’s very very tough for me. I will just have to face the fact that I will not be one of those exceptions.

Posted in Ponderings

What It’s About — mscholabing

It’s not about your bank account. Or your title. It’s not about your job, unless your job is your passion. It’s not about your achievements or your accolades. -none of that matters when you’re dead. It’s about the memories. The moments. The love. It’s about the adventure. the companionship. The compassion. It’s about driving 4 […]

via What It’s About — mscholabing

 

This really spoke to me. This is the way I want to live my life. This is the way I want to teach my children to live. It’s about the memories and about leaving your footprint. It’s about leaving a legacy.

Also, you should check this woman out. She’s pretty rad. 😀😀