Posted in exes, Family, Relationships

Return to Paradise

The girls’ dad moved out last Monday to move back in with his wife.  They are making good efforts to stay together.  I’m so happy about this.  I hate when couples divorce because marriage is too hard for them.  Trust me.  I’m not anti-divorce. There are very good reasons to divorce. But throwing a fit like a little baby because things aren’t going your way is not a good excuse.

Early last week, I emailed his wife and said that I am so happy that they are back together and working it out.  I told her that I and my family are continuing to pray for them.  I never got a response back.  I went into overthinking mode (Imagine that!) and tried to recount my steps.  What did I do to offend her?  The last thing I said to her was when she flipped out when she heard BD had plans.  Then BD texts me and said it wasn’t cool that I told her that he had plans.  So I sent her a text back saying that I didn’t need the stress so don’t ask me about BD ever again.  I thought maybe that was too harsh.  I thought maybe I should apologize to her for being so direct while she was hurting from the break up.

I decided to text BD to see if his wife was mad at me (because I’m 12 and all).  He never answered the question but instead talked about changing his mailing address back.  So now I’m EVEN more suspicious. I told him to call me as soon as he could. He called me on my lunch break.  I asked if she was mad at me.  I said that I wanted to be her friend again.  He said “Well that’s never going to happen.”  Of course I’m on my period and super emotional.  I started crying and asked him why.  Is it because I’m gay?  I didn’t know what I did wrong. And blah blah blah!  (I feel so stupid for crying now.)  He said that she wants a separate life from my family and me.  They have a lot of stuff to still get through.  And it’s just easier for her to not be a part of my family.  

Her family and friends probably were in her ear about how weird it is to have a good relationship with the ex-girlfriend.  Even though, I am no threat whatsoever.  Her family doesn’t know I’m gay so maybe they do think it’s weird.  But I’m pretty sure she’s told her family by now that I like the ladies.  And I really can’t help that my family is awesome.  Are we weird? Definitely!  But my family is the best!  We take everyone in and it’s really hard to leave our family when we’ve accepted you into the pack.

I’m going to miss BD.  He’s been one of my best friends.  We’ve been through a lot together.  He is really an awesome dad to the girls.  I just know this new rule means hardly any time with him.  But I guess it’s normal to not spend a lot of time with your ex.  But really… who said I was normal??

Posted in exes, Relationships

Trouble in Paradise

Last week, the girls’ dad moved in with me temporarily. He asked his wife for a divorce about a month or so ago. This was a shock to everyone. He has something lined up with someone as far as housing in June. So not wanting to him to have to rent a hotel room weekly or sleep in his car, I extended our home to him until June.

It’s pretty cool. It’s like having one of my best friends stay with me. Whether he wants to admit it or not, he is one of my besties.

The girls took the news surprisingly well. He made sure that the girls knew that the soon to be ex wife will always love them and that she still wants to be in their lives.

We discussed about how it’s still going to be an every other weekend arrangement with the girls. I had plans this past weekend and he watched after them. He has plans this coming weekend and I will watch over them at that time.

The ex called me the next day wanting to know how the girls took the news. I told her how they were OK. She proceeds to tell me how angry she is at him. Rightfully so. She asked me how I could ever be friends with him. Well let’s take a trip down memory lane…

1. I lived in Wisconsin and he lived in Michigan when we started talking. We decided he should move in. Within 2 weeks, I knew it wasn’t going to work out but I felt bad because he moved from another state for me. So I didn’t say a word and stayed with him.

2.  I got pregnant with our 1st kid. I felt bad and wanted to stay together because of the kid. So I didn’t say a word and stayed with him.

3.  I got pregnant with our 2nd kid. I tried to keep it together but I couldn’t.  I did something that he would make him leave me instead of me being an adult and saying it’s not working out.

4. I’m very much gay.

So I really wasn’t in love with him and he is a pretty forgiving dude. That’s how we are friends. Neither one of us has feelings for the other.

She said that she wanted to visit with the girls preferably when baby daddy isn’t around. I said “Well, he has plans next weekend. We could arrange something then.” As I finished the sentence, I knew I shouldn’t have said that. Crap!! “Oh. He has plans already. Does he?” She said pretty angrily. After we got off the phone, the girls’ dad sent me a text that read: “How does she know I have plans next weekend? Not cool.”

I don’t need this. I sent her a text saying that I will never be giving her information about him again. She hasn’t contacted me back.  I’m not going to be the starter of their fights or in the middle of them.  When I came home that night, I told him to never tell me anything again. Less is more!

The bottom line is that I will always have the girls’ dad’s back. He’s been one of my closest friends for years. I like the relationship I have with him and the girls.  I’m not going to ruin that ever.

Posted in exes

Pffft.. Ha! Psssh…

If I had a dollar for every guy who told me that I look like Adele, I’d have… Well only $2. But still what kind of lame pick up line is that?

Don’t get me wrong… Adele is gorgeous, amazingly talented, and she’s pretty adorable during her interviews.  But am I expected to fawn over you because you compare my looks to a world famous singer? Uh no.

The most recent time that line was pulled on me was from a former flame that I spent most of my 20s trying to get him to seriously date me. I was only good enough for a booty call apparently and even more sad than that, I accepted that fact and just let myself be that. He hurt me over and over. I would let him. I didn’t know what true love was. I do now.

He went on to tell me that I was the one that got away. To which I replied, “Yes. Yes I am. But even if you did decide that you wanted to be with me, it wouldn’t have lasted. I am in fact gay.”

I have a tiny joy… Ok maybe a big joy in telling guys (especially exes who try to pull this crap on me) that I’m a lesbian. It seems to shut them up and I never hear from them again. What an awesome bonus!

I found love and she would never ever treat me like the men in the past have treated me. I think I’ll keep her. Plus, I have a feeling that she thinks I’m hotter than Adele. 😉

Posted in exes, lesbian, Relationships

An Interesting Thing About Standards

When I was still straight or Bi, I had no standards when it came to men.  It didn’t matter their background, their personality, their moral fiber, or whatever else people have as standards.  It just did not matter.

At one point, I believe I scared my family and friends by posting on Facebook that the main criteria for a life partner is that he has to be ginger. Phew! Let me tell you of the uprising that caused! Of course, that really isn’t the main criteria. I think subconsciously I really wasn’t planning on having a future with a man.

When I started to realize the truth of my sexuality, I started to think about the future and I developed standards that all human beings should have when it comes to partners.  I was very careful about the women I thought would be a good match.  Who would’ve thought my good match would be in New Zealand?

I am no longer dating to just have casual sex or to appease my religious friend and family members. I am now dating for a future. I want to do this right and it only seems natural to me to do it right.  I’m not rushing.  I’m becoming friends first.  And I’m not jumping into bed with her. Actually that would be kind of hard to do from over 8000 miles away!  And guess what! She doesn’t mind. That’s such a beautiful thing!

I’m not worried about having sex with her right away to make sure she’ll stick around. I’m not worried about her flirting with other girls.  I’m not nearly as jealous with her as I was when I was with men.  This is natural to me now. This is healthy. This is the way it should have always been.

Posted in exes, Rants

Special Bonus Rant: The Baby Daddy and His Wife

If you have been following me, you should know I schedule my posts for Wednesday evenings and Saturday mornings.  Which makes this a special edition whine fest!  LUCKY YOU!!

I got a disturbing text from the girls’ step mom last night:

His Wife: “Baby Daddy” and I already talked and we can’t keep dealing with this every weekend whether it’s one or the other or both.

Me:  So what do you mean? You’re not going to take them now?

His Wife:  If THEY want to come, then they can come… but if they don’t then they can stay with you.  He said we aren’t going to make them miserable.  And we don’t want them to come because you told them to… its gotta be their choice.

Well this prompted me calling the BD’s phone and of course no answer.  So, I called the wife’s phone.  Basically they don’t want the girls over when they are all depressed and such.  I said it wasn’t fair to me because I am “Mom and Dad” 26 or 27 days a month.  I deserve a break.  She said I broke up with BD so it was my choice to be a single mom.

I was floored!  We all three have gotten along great!  And now all of the sudden they don’t want the girls when they are all pouty and miserable when they don’t get their way.  We’ll just pawn them off on their mom.  Seems legit because I decided to break up with him.  My requests for time for myself have been deny only if the girls are perfectly happy.  Which my oldest never is.  And that has never changed.

Then she went on and on about my lifestyle.  And how I’m confusing the girls because at one point mommy liked boys but now she likes girls.  She said I shouldn’t add to their confusion with being depressed because they are over at their dad’s.  I have been very open with the girls.  My oldest is frankly over the moon about EJ (Honey Bee) and my youngest is a little reserved about it but it’s not because I am in love with a woman.  It’s because she wants her mom to herself and she hates when I date.  I am going to take them out for ice cream some time this week and have an open dialogue with them.  See if they have any questions or concerns.

I have always raised the girls to be aware of all types of relationships.  Straight and LGBT.  I have never allowed them to hate because of difference.  All relationships are equal when there is love involved.  I have never raised them to be intolerant.  So, that hasn’t changed.

My sister and mom think I should take them to court.  But I don’t want to go that route.  They didn’t say they never want to see them.  They just don’t want to see them when they are miserable.  I just don’t want to start the ugliness if I don’t have to.

What are your thoughts?  Am I being a crazy person and I shouldn’t think anything of it and let my 9 and 11 year old decide to go over to their dad’s or not.  OR am I being completely sane in saying that they are not old enough to make the decision?

Thoughts and prayers on this situation is much needed!!

Posted in exes

An Open Letter to my Girlfriend’s Ex

Dear Mr. Ex;

Hi. How are you?  From the sounds of it, not so great.  Believe me, I know how you feel.  I know you don’t believe me but you should.  I just felt like I should talk to you.  I know it would be awkward and probably end up not being good if I did actually talk to you.  So, I’m writing you this letter.  Maybe you’ll read it someday.

From what I’ve heard you are all over the place.  One day you are super supportive and then one minute you’re tearing her down.  I totally respect you when you are being supportive and I totally understand when you get upset.  Let me give you some advice.  You need to stop listening in on our conversations and reading our texts. It is only going to hurt you even more than you already are.  She is a lesbian.  She is not going to take you back.  I know that you think that you’re less of man because you couldn’t keep her from being gay.  But that just means that you are too much of a man.  Maybe if you were an effeminate man…. But then you would still have a penis… so never mind.

We have not seriously discussed marriage.  We have made comments jokingly.  Although, we should be able to discuss whatever we feel like.  Please do not worry that I’m trying to steal your kids.  I totally respect that you want to be in their lives and they need you to be in their lives.  I will wait for her for as long as it takes.  I have my whole life ahead of me.  I don’t want anyone else.

I heard there was a discussion that she was being selfish because she’s not putting the kids first.  You said that she can’t afford the things you can so her kids will be without.  I know that I’m over 8,000 miles (13K km) but I will make sure your kids will never be without with the things they need.  I will spoil them like my own kids.  Your kids will be well taken care between all of us.  You also said she’s selfish because she is going out on her own and looking for her own happiness.  But isn’t that what you’re doing by demanding her to stay?

I also heard that you believe nothing will change when she moves out.  You believe you will get a key to her house and show up whenever you feel like.  You even mentioned that you want to cuddle on the couch and watch TV.  That’s just not going to happen.  My girls’ dad and I have a very open and friendly relationship.  We still hang out at social events that have to do with the girls.  We still text and make jokes with each other.  But neither one of us has each other’s house keys nor we would EVER even think about cuddling.

You really do sound like a good guy.  Trust me.  You will find a woman who will want you completely.  A woman you don’t have to live a half-life with because she won’t be living a lie.  You both deserve happiness.  You both need to teach your children how they should feel in a relationship.  They need to see complete love and respect.  Right now, you are asking her to hide her true self and asking her to be unhappy for the rest of her life.  Would you want that for your daughter?  Would you want her partner to treat her like that?

I know it is overwhelming to hear that your girlfriend is a lesbian and she’s in love with an American.  But believe me, it will get better if you just move on.  She is not going to stop being gay and take you back.  It doesn’t work like that.  I truly do hope we can be friendly with each other in the future.  I don’t want this to be a bad breakup.  I would totally lose my mind if I lost her too.

All the best,
Miss Vee