Posted in Body, Mind, Spirit

Investing in Your Character

As I watch the news in the morning or scroll through my Twitter newsfeed, I’ve come to realize that a lot of us are in need of something.  Obvious and cliched answers float through my mind.  You need a hug and you over there need anger management courses.  You need to let it go.  You need to be laid.  And you need to be impeached.

Most of the time, I feel horrible as I sit behind the keyboard passing silent judgement (I would never have the balls to say what’s on my mind).  I am very aware that I’m missing something in me as well.  Life is going great for me currently.  I’m the closest to God than I have ever been before.  I have healthy and (most of the time) happy girls.  My friends and family are the best and after I came out, they have been absolutely stunning.  I’ve found the love of my life. And one of my lifelong dreams will soon come true as I am so very close to finishing my first draft of my first ever novel.  So, what on Earth could be missing from my life?

Many times I feel bored and that boredom becomes paralyzing.  I get too bored to write.  I get too bored to play with my kids.  I get too bored to talk to my love.  I get too bored to fellowship with God.  This becomes maddening to me because I am so very busy.  How could I ever be bored?

In the mornings, I read three different devotionals on my Bible app I downloaded on my phone.  One of the devotions I’m reading is called Financial Fitness by Rick Warren cuz let’s face it… I am TERRIBLE with money.  I’m getting better at it but I still have a lot to improve on. I digress.

The devotion I was reading one particular morning titled ‘Use Your Money to Grow Your Character‘ gave me an A-HA moment (one of my favorite moments to have).  I really loved this lesson because it talked about growing your character (in case you didn’t figure that out by the title) in different ways with your money.

Pastor Warren’s suggestions included purchasing Christian books and CDs.  Even purchasing classes to learn a new skill.  What a great idea!  I got bored with life because I wasn’t investing in my life.  Relationships with God, my kids, my partner, my family and friends are very important.  Don’t misunderstand when I say I was bored with the connections earlier in this post.  But I found that I was interacting with them in the same way.  Talking via text, mundane talks about how everyone’s day was.  Things of that nature were getting me down.

Investing experiences with all whom I love is what I should be doing.  Learning new skills so that I can bring more to the table during conversations is what I should be doing.  Encouraging my children to invest in themselves and others around them is what I should be doing.

This isn’t only a Christian thing either.  Whether you’re atheist, agnostic, Buddhist, Muslim, or worship the spaghetti monster, you should be investing in your character.

Going out and experiencing life is another way to enrich your character.  Go to the new Thai restaurant that you’ve always wanted to try.  Go to that art gallery that you’ve always wanted to go to as you drive by everyday on your commute to work.  Talk to actual human beings (this one will be a toughy for me being an introvert and all).  Ask your kids what kind of experiences they would like to have and make their wishes come true.

You might find out a little something about yourself and your character.  And that’s always a beautiful thing!

Posted in Body, Mind, Spirit

What’s Been Going On?

So, what has your ole Kittie Kat been doing for a the past couple months?  I have been actually pretty busy. And sometimes so upset that I couldn’t do anything at all.  It’s just been a real rollercoaster of a ride already in 2017.

I’ve been writing. I’m hoping… Scratch that.  I will be completing my first draft of my novel by the end of next month.  Writing has been a great experience for me.  I have always wanted to publish a book since I was in 3rd grade.  And here I am about to finish my first draft of my first ever novel in a little over a month.  I’m just so excited.  8 year-old me would be so proud.

It has been really hard. I had this vision of what I wanted to write about but it evolved into something more.  I loved that it evolved into something that might help a reader.  I hope the readers will connect with the characters and find strength and courage at times when they feel they don’t have it.  This is why I wanted to be a writer.  I’m hoping to help people gain a different perspective.  But it was hard to come up with new material.  I didn’t have enough but I’ve been doing pretty well at it.  I’ve reached over 50k words and it only took me 2 months after NaNoWriMo.  Ha!

I’m also preparing for my Honey Bee’s arrival to the States in almost a month!! EEEE!! I’m so excited!  I can’t wait to show her around the Midwest.  Although, how am I going to top New Zealand??  Plus it will still technically winter.  Winter in the Midwest vs. New Zealand any day of the year.  Yikes!

I do have lots of fun things planned for us and the girls.  I can’t wait to show her the places where I have childhood memories.  I can’t wait to take her up to Wisconsin to meet my crew up there.  I also have things planned that I’ve never been to or done.  So, that’s exciting as well.  I, unfortunately, won’t be able to take the whole two week off.  That’s going to be weird to go to work while she’s at home.  Those days are going to be the longest days ever!  AAAAHH!!!

Of course, the new US Administration has me straight up buggin’.  I am now at the point where I don’t even care.  I don’t care what that stupid head tweets.  I don’t care that they are defending the fact that numbers at the inauguration where the most ever.  What I do care about is Americans.  I care about human beings.  That’s where my energy is going to go towards.

I’ve actually stopped logging into Facebook unless someone close to me mentions me in a comment.  I’ve even stopped going on Twitter.  I’m exhausted from it all.  It’s going to be an exhausting 4 – 8 years for us.  I’m leaning towards 8 because he’ll never get rid of the electoral college in favor of the popular vote while he’s in office.  He’s still arguing that Hillary only won the popular vote because of millions of fraudulent votes.  UGH! I’m wasting my time aren’t I?  After I said I wouldn’t.

Also, I either had the stomach flu or food poisoning this week. Either way, there was a lot of violent vomiting that made my torso muscles sore even days afterwards. Still feeling it now. 

But, yeah.  That’s what I’ve been doing.  Writing. Reading. Breathing. Vomiting. 

What have you been doing?

Posted in Body

It’s Just Not Worth It.

The drug rep brought in pizza. If you know anything about me, you know I love pizza. It is my life. As I sat down in the break room to eat my lunch of pepperoni and cheese sticks I brought from home, the admin assistant joked with me. 

Her: How can you sit in here and resist that pizza? 

Me: I just got to the point where it’s not worth it anymore. 

We all have that breaking point. When enough is enough and you mean it. You really can’t expect to change the way you eat and not mean it. You will not succeed if you are just trying to lose weight in time for swimsuit season. You have to realize that your body needs better food than what you’re giving it. You have to make this a lifetime change. I came to this point twice in my life. 

I’m so far deep into this way of eating that it physically hurts when I cheat. Which I think is fantastic!  And I really don’t want to cheat. 

I use myfitnesspal to log my macros to make sure I’m on point. My best friend is using it too but she’s not eating keto. She weighs herself everyday. She says that’s the only way to keep her accountable. PHEW! That would be a nightmare for me. I only weigh in once a month. I hate that friggin scale. I always have. It’s a definite demotivator for me. 

All I can say is I can feel the positive affects of this way of eating. And I know that I’m worth it. 

What are some of the things that keep you motivated? 

Posted in Body

I Choose Me

My sisters and I were talking one day at my niece’s birthday party.  My mom and sister (the mom of the birthday girl and from this point on she shall be known as MS) worked very hard on all the yummy sugar packed treats for everyone.  The eldest sister (we shall call her ES for short) is the one that got me into the Keto way of eating and we were discussing foods to avoid.

Me:  We can’t have popcorn right?

ES:  Nope.

MS:  That’s why I couldn’t be on that diet.  I love popcorn too much.

I almost said that I love myself too much but knowing my track record that would come off very wrong.  I have a serious Sheldon complex sometimes.  It sounds right in my head but when I form actually sentences, it’s just bad.  I laugh when Sheldon or Sherlock get into certain situations that they seem so obtuse about.  But in real life, it’s really not that funny.

It’s the truth though.  My life has turned around in all aspects.  I’m finally starting to love myself.  I’m starting to care what I put in my body emotionally, spiritually and physically.  Butter slathered popcorn may sound delicious but it’s really not worth it.

I’m tired of being sluggish.  I’m tired of hating myself when I can’t fit into my favorite clothes.  I’m tired of not being the best example I can be for my kids.  I’m just tired!  I choose me!  I do not choose the cheese puffs or the popcorn or the candy bars.  Over and over, I choose me.

I’m no longer calling this a diet.  A diet, to me, sounds too temporary.  This is how I’m going to be eating for the rest of my life.  I’ve even started to think of ways to make my wedding cake and reception food keto friendly.  The food really is delicious!

At the current moment, I’m having issues keeping my protein at a moderate amount.  I’m doing ok with the carbs and fat but it just seems like anything that has zero carbs it packed full of protein.  ES says that I have to limit my dairy to 4 oz a day and my meat to 4 – 6 oz.  OMG!  I’m going to starve.  Even eggs are high in protein.

So I’m calling on my Keto readers!  What do you for food that doesn’t tip your protein macros over the edge?


Posted in Body

Goodbye Shakes! Hello Keto!

I was fed up. First and foremost I was fed up with weighing in every week. And I started thinking back to when I lost that 40 pounds a couple years ago.  I would eat clean. Real food not shakes but real actual food. And I would weigh in every month. Just once a month. When I was weighing in every week, it would frustrate me.  Sometimes to tears.  I remember telling myself that I would never weigh in so much.  I broke up with my scale and while I was in the shake program, it was like someone forcing me to be in a relationship with someone I didn’t want to be with.  Hmmmm…. sounds like my early dating life.  Ha!

My sister and her sister-in-law have been doing this keto diet. I really hate using the word diet because this is actually a way of eating now. This is something you can’t just give up. So I decided to trash the shakes and pick up the bacon. That’s right I can eat bacon now.  My long lost love!

At first I thought it was really weird. My sister would put coconut oil and butter in her coffee. Coffee is a very sacred thing to me. And that was just weird. But now I drink one of these Bulletproof Coffee every morning. Now it feels weird to have coffee any other way.

Let me tell you a little tale about when I tried to eat unhealthy.  About a week into eating this way, my daughter had an open house at her school. They were giving out free ice cream cones from Mr. Softee. Mr. Softee is the best ice cream in town.  We would spend entire summers just to catch up with the van.  I was just going in line to get one for the girls’ dad cuz he was too embarrassed to stand in line. But then he ended up getting a ticket as well. So I thought to myself what was just one ice cream cone I’ll be fine. I was so wrong. I hurt so bad. My stomach was cramping and I just felt sick. It was like the betrayal Stantz felt when his beloved Staypuft Marshmallow Man became the destructor.  So now I know not to go anywhere near sweets.

No sweets?? Say it ain’t so!!  I can have sweets.  I eat dark chocolate and I eat desserts that have natural sweetners in them.  Tomorrow night, I hope to make chocolate pound cake.

I started my daughters on this. It’s not as hardcore as I’m doing it, but they are eating the dinners. When I pack their lunches for school it is within the keto guidelines. We had a birthday party for my niece that last week. The girls had lots of sweets and they could feel the same way I felt when I had sweets. My youngest daughter then says to me,  “I need steak!” I gave her a high five.

So I’ve been feeling great and my clothes are feeling looser. I don’t weigh in until Saturday. I did weigh in last night because I got a new scale and so far I’ve lost 5 pounds but that was at 10 o’clock at night so we’ll see how much I weigh in the morning on Saturday.

I’m really excited to go back to eating better and feeling better. I just need to work on getting out there and working out. I do love working out I just haven’t been doing it. Wish me luck!

Posted in Body

Losing My Balance

I was not sure of the exact moment when I started losing my balance until it was too late. I was so far off the wagon that I’m losing my breath trying to catch it. And then I become upset with myself. How could I let this go on for so long? I was supposed to keep an eye on my balance. One step off in the wrong direction and all of the three cores of my being – body, mind, and soul – go careening off the cliff. For some reason, there it’s all or nothing for me. Go big or go home.

Once I thought I lost my soul, my mind started to go. When my mind left me, the care for my body was sent to the back of my mind. It becomes huddled in the corner waiting for my mind and soul to stop yelling at each other. I’ve stopped going to the gym. I’ve stopped being mindful of what I was eating. This leads my weight to fluctuate with every weigh in. And then it puts more pressure on my mind.

Why do I do this to myself? I feel confident that I have myself in a pretty good balance but one comment is said and it festers and grows through my cores like a cancer. I am not new to this game. This has happened to me before. That’s the funny thing about happiness. I become so happy that I let the mindfulness of my cores to become vulnerable. I’m not saying I should throw up guards around me. I just need to be mindful and alert when one of my cores goes off kilter.

I now have a pretty good grasp on my soul. I’m going to see my therapist again so I should have my mind centered a little bit better. This only means that the body needs a lot of work. I have been cramming it with a whole bunch of junk. And on PURPOSE!! I would go into a restaurant telling myself that I will get the healthier selections. I would tell myself this all the way up until it’s ready to order and then all of the sudden my mind says “Forget that!” and I order whatever crap I wanted.

I’ve lost all motivation. My wellness doctor says that I am on the cusp of motivation. I’m finally going to say enough is enough and take control of what needs to be done. I can feel that too. I just hate that it has taken me this long. I am in need of forgiveness for myself. I tend to be so hard on myself. I’m sure I’m not the only one with this problem.

As I go in to weigh in, I know that I’ve gained. And then I’ll have to tell the dietitian why I think that I’ve gained. I’ll say that I’ve ate like crap. For month straight, I’ve had to make excuses for my weight gain. It’s time to hang the excuses. I need to look upwardly to God and inwardly to my spirit and get things done, son!

What about you? What helps you with motivation to being a better version of your awesome self?

Posted in Body, Mind, Spirit

Balancing Act

Now that I am no longer at odds with myself because of my sexuality, I’m going to start spending time working on balancing the big three.  The Mind, Body, and Soul.  I am in a much better place than I was last month.  I am out and now I can just live life.  Now I can focus on being a better version of myself.  Each day, I’m going to write down what I did to nurture my mind, body and soul.

Since coming out, my mind and my soul are feeling much more aligned in my body.  My body… well that is a whole different struggle.  People struggle with this aspect of life on the daily.  I am one of those people.  I had lost 40 pounds a couple of years ago.  I felt great!  I was happy.  I had more energy.  But then life happened.  I was in and out of the hospital for kidney surgeries and so eating right and exercising were thrown by the way side.  I gained those 40 pounds back.  I could bitch and moan about it or do something about it.  I choose the latter.

I got myself a fitbit and I am in love!!  I am so obsessed with getting my 10,000 steps in every day.  My bestie and another friend of ours has one.  We do the challenges on it.  It’s a lot of fun.  I’ve been taking the long ways around to get to the break room (which is right across from my office) and back to my desk.  I take walks after each work project I finish.  I get about 5 to 6k at work.  It’s amazing.

I’ve turned my secret lesbian journal that I kept in the closet into my balancing journal.  I list what I do each day for my mind, body, and soul.  For example:  Mind – I enjoyed scrapbooking with my mom.  It was relaxing.  Body – I made my 10k step goal!  Soul – I read in my bible study book.

I’m just so excited about my well-being.