Posted in Adulthood, God

Why I Might Go To Hell

The reason why I could go to Hell isn’t what most conservatives would think. I’m not going to Hell because next year I plan to lie with a woman as a man. Although, if she were a man, I wouldn’t be lying with her. ‘Cuz… gross. It’s not because I don’t attend church every Sunday or because I don’t read the Bible every day. No, none of these. My ticket to Hell is my struggle with is the two greatest commandments.

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these.”    ~Mark 12:30-31 NIV

I struggle with both of these. I do love God with all my heart and soul. Or so I would like to believe. But how can I love God if I can’t keep His second commandment?

For the past four years, that command has been tested to its absolute limits and beyond. How can I love a man who had manipulated the sweetest and most loving soul to a point where she believed she wasn’t worthy of anything. Or a man who allows his mother to call his 11-year-old daughter a bitch. The same man who criticizes his 12-year-old son of his weight. How am I suppose to love this narcissistic sociopath?

You see, the problem is that signed up for this as soon as I accepted Jesus into my heart. I must love God and love other as I love myself. Damn. Why didn’t I meet this man when I hated myself back in my teenage years and early twenties. I’d be off the hook, right?

I seethe hatred every time I hear of his escapades and tyrants. It’s not healthy. I’ve never hated anyone in my life until this man. What’s sad is that this hatred is like a gateway drug. Now that I’ve allowed hate into my life, it’s so much easier to hate others as well. I don’t want to be this way. I don’t want this hate allowed into my heart no matter how justified I feel it is.

So, how do I do it? I did a little research on what it means to love your neighbor when they are completely unlovable. I checked out some Christian websites and blogs. A lot of these featured stories of people who are “unlovable” like the neighbor who gossips or the neighbor that doesn’t mow their lawn. Really? I need real answers about real unlovables!

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Even though I felt the unlovable neighbors not all that unlovable, the themes were all the same. We are to serve them. I am at a loss. I don’t even know where to begin with that. Then I read one blog post that added that we should pray for them. Prayer. That’s where I should start.

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I have almost ten months to get this in check. I have ten months of preparation, of prayer, and of reading scripture. ‘Cuz the only the Lord knows how I can accomplish this.

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How would you love your neighbor if you felt they were unlovable?

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Posted in Adulthood

#ichooserichland

Everything is falling into place these days and I couldn’t be happier.  I’m going to be marrying my best friend next year, I might be starting a new job at work, and I’m starting school next month.

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Last week, I received an email from the college that my financial aid suspension had been appealed. I was suspended because I am what they call a professional student.  I didn’t really know what I wanted to do with my life. It only took my 38 years to figure it out.  I was so excited that I have been granted financial aid.  I was worried about financing college.  I didn’t want another student loan.  I was prepared to pay for all of it on my own.

As part of my appeal, I had to speak with my academic advisor and fill out a Probation Contract so that I could be awarded a Pell Grant.  I made an appointment through Richland’s website and I received an email from him almost right away.  He told me that he spoke with one of the ladies in the marketing department wanted to hear my story of moving to New Zealand and also taking classes at Richland.  They thought it was a unique story.

What’s my story? Let me take you back a couple weeks ago. (This is where you imagine squiggly wavy ripples that accompany a flashback.)

I signed up for all my classes and I was all set.  I was so excited about starting my education until I noticed that I would not be able to finish in time for my move next year.  Not to mention I received an email from the Financial Aid department informing me that I was on financial aid suspension because I exceeded 150% of the credits needed for completion of an associate’s degree.

Broken hearted, I called my advisor and told him that I would need to drop all of my classes that I signed up for – two in the summer and five in the fall – because I would be unable to finish in the year time frame.  He told me that he would go ahead and drop me from my classes but that I should take in consideration that I could complete my degree even half way around the world.  I told him that I would think about it.

I spoke to Emma about this and the decision was clear.  I had to go back to school and I wanted to complete my degree at Richland Community College.  I called my advisor again and told him to sign me back up.  I also started to prepare to appeal my financial aid suspension.

(Enter squiggly wavy ripples back to present times.)

I told that story to the marketing lady. And I also got to talk about Emma which always makes me happy.  She said that they are running stories on social media from lots of students about why they chose Richland for their higher education. She found my story to be inspiring because I didn’t have to give up my hopes to graduate because I am moving thousands of miles away.  That’s why my story is unique to her.

I didn’t really find it too unique or fantastic.  I mean, I am very grateful for the opportunity to finish and actually graduate with a degree in a field of work that I love doing.  I’m just an ordinary Midwestern girl making sure my dreams become a reality.

Posted in Adulthood

The Haps.

Hi, Everybody! I know. I know. It’s been a very long time since I’ve posted anything. I had made a plan to post every Saturday and look at me not posting every Saturday. So, what has your friendly neighborhood Lesbian been doing these past few months? A lot.

First, I wanna tell you all that I got engaged!!

Emma came over for a visit at the beginning of March. She had no clue that it was going to happen. I had planned this engagement with my closest and dearest friends in Wisconsin. My little brother made a bat signal with the words “Marry Me” within the bat symbol – cuz she loves the Bat. We planned it like it was a night of playing Morton’s List – google that if you don’t know what that’s about.

Everyone set the stage and we were doing a quest that basically made you do stuff in the dark with lights. The bat signal is shown bright and I got down on one knee and asked her to marry me. And she said yes! Phew!!

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Last month, I joined Camp NaNoWriMo. It was going really well and I thought for sure I was going to win way before the end of the month. I like to consider myself a pantser like the great Stephen King. Alas, I have found out that I write better as a planner. I came upon this discovery totally by accident.

I started writing my YA fantasy novel with no outline, no character sketches, no setting sketches… NOTHING! This is just how I roll. Then I got stuck. My characters had to go before a council of twelve men that represented the twelve clans of their world. I needed last names for these clans.

I went online to grab up some French surnames and found out so much more behind the name. I could actually do crests and write about what their clans were known for. I even replaced the main characters last names to correlate with what their clan represented. After that, I started looking up weapons. And so on and so forth. It was like a mighty avalanche of information. I have so much information and I’m not even done. I LOVE BEING A PLANNER!

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Most recently, I’ve signed up for classes. I’m super stoked about it. The summer semester starts in the beginning of June. After Emma left from her visit in March, I started to think about my future. What did I want to do with my life? I know that I will always want to write but I don’t want to be all cocky and think that I’m going to be this big best-selling author and make tons of cash. Besides, that’s not why I’m writing for. I need to support my family.

I love my job that I’m at now and I also want to complete my associate’s degree. So, with that formula in mind, the natural and obvious answer is a degree in Health Information Technology. Out of all of my jobs throughout my working life, hospital and medical offices have been my favorite.

Let me tell you! I get so super excited every time I get a new textbook. I instantly have to read it. I feel like Spongebob and Patrick when they look at Mr. Crabs’s map when he left his tent. I’m just so excited!!

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Me, reading my textbooks.

I’m also trying to get out of debt. That sounds a little weird after just reading that I am going back to school. Going to school usually, equals debt.

I read a book called “Financially Faithful” by Chuck Livermore and I have confidence that I will be able to live debt free. I also read a blog called “50-20-30 Budgeting”. But I will leave all of this information for another blog post. You just gotta keep coming back every Saturday.

Hopefully, I will be able to keep the posts going! Stick with my loyal readers!

Posted in Adulthood, dealing with stress, Travel

We Interrupt This Stress Meltdown with Pics of Beaches

It was weigh in day toady and I didn’t do anything different except drink more water as the doctor prescribed in last weeks appointment.  I gained 4 lbs (1.8 kg)!!  WHHAAATTT???  The dieticians say not to worry about it.  Stress can be a contributor.  I’ll lose next week and maybe more they said.

Stress??  Me??  Stressed??  What would have me stressed?!?  Worrying about my young daughter’s high cholesterol counts or the fact that I won’t be able to marry the love of my life for a minimum of 6 years or that I’m wanting to write a prize winning short story in a couple weeks??  HA!  What stress??  *as clumps of hair fall to the ground*

So, what’s a better way to de-stress than to look at pictures of New Zealand Beaches.  Come along with me…

Raumati Beach, my first New Zealand Beach

Beach at Queen Elizabeth’s Park, my favorite beach of all!

Fret not my lovely readers, I will have posts up about the last day, my girls’ health, my decision to stay in the US, and my adventures in short story writing. But do not be surprised if I don’t post in the next couple days.

Posted in Adulthood, Relationships

The Passions of Miss Vee

How could one simple thing change the whole perspective of my life?

These past couple of years has been life changing! And it’s all EJ’s fault! It all begins with her. I’m not saying that God or my girls or my family or my friends that I have been with me since the beginning haven’t shaped my life. They have. I suppose what I’m trying to say is that EJ has unlocked my life’s potential as of recently. She has opened doors to things that were long forgotten in my life. I never thought that I would have the potential to actually have a love that I could truly be proud of or encourages me to be my own independent person. She believes in me. She believes in my worth that I have forgotten or have never believed in myself. She wants me to be my own person without depending on her to make me a whole.

I know. I know. I don’t know how many blog posts I have written about her that has said the same thing over and over. But here’s the twist. This blog post isn’t actually about her. The one simple little thing I’m gushing about is downloading a magazine for a free month. This magazine is called Poets & Writers.

I have always wanted to be an author since I was a wee little Vee. I had notebooks and composition books and journals filled with stories and poems. I wish I still had those books. I remember I was writing a criminal romance story when I was in 6th grade. Oh boy! How I would love to read how I wrote back then. I can’t remember. Something happened. It’s called life.

Actually, it’s called living a carbon copy life. It’s a life where I thought I should be living because everyone else around me was living it. I was so caught up and worried about getting a man that I had no time or energy for the things that really mattered in life. Like God and my girls and my dreams and passions I used to have. I know that I’m supposed to put God first in everything I do but EJ opened that door for me to have a relationship with God. She opened that door so I wasn’t so concerned about finding a perfect relationship and focus on perfecting my relationship with my children. She opened that door so I could get back to what I really wanted to be in life. A writer!!

Ok… so that might have drifted back to why my girlfriend is so awesome. Sorry folks! Ahem… WRITING!

I’ve joined a writer’s newsletter because I was looking up ways to describe a neckline on my leading lady’s shirt as she reluctantly goes on this date. The Write Practice popped up on several occasions when I’ve been researching on being a better writer and it is pretty awesome! I’m really struggling with description and how much is too much or how much is enough. It really has some great advice. They send you articles with writing prompts attached to them. It’s really opened my eyes up a lot and it’s really started to spark my passion again. I would highly recommend this newsletter and website. Go check it out!

It wasn’t until yesterday morning when my sparks turned into a bonfire. I got a notification over my phone saying to download this year’s hottest magazines for $5 a year with a free month to start out with. Usually they aren’t the hottest magazines of the year. It’s usually Women’s Day or Cosmo or some kind of fishing/hunting/bird thing. Sorry if you read those! They are just not for me! Then I came across Poets & Writers. SAY WHAT! Well that’s me!! And let me tell you! I’m so excited!!

There’s just so much to read about. There are writing contests and grants and resources. There are so many adverts about workshop retreats and I so want to go one of those one day!

Needless to say… THIS GIRL IS ON FIRE!! Oh yeah. I went there.

Are you a writer? What inspires you?

Posted in Adulthood

Now Git!!

Lately, there has been a crazy amount of teenagers staying at the house across the street. They are loud, obnoxious, and not very bright.

On two different occasions with two different teenage girls, they ran out of the house bare foot and ran down the rock street. One of them actually came over to my lawn and started dancing some kind of interprative dance of the chickens. I wanted to yell out of my door, “Git off my lawn, you whippersnapper!!” But before I could get out of my recliner, she went back over to the house.

Then there was this one time where my youngest and I were sitting out on the porch enjoying the fresh evening air. There was a gaggle of teenagers screaming and carrying on. My kid said, “Shut up!” The teenagers didn’t hear her but it’s good to know that I’m not the only crotchety old lady in the house. Ha!

I’m sure that I acted that stupid and obnoxious when I was a teenager. And I’m sure my girls will do that as well (no matter how well I’ve trained them to behave out in the wild). When did I become so old that I get so annoyed by harmless acts of stupidity?

Posted in Adulthood

Don’t Mind Me…

I’m just dreaming about my retirement.

I am OBSESSED with the show Tiny House Hunters!  There was one day that I sat and watched episodes of that show all day long.  I would sit and dream about my retirement.  Towing a tiny house across the States with my wife.  Experiencing different places.  Meeting new people.  Eating at different restaurants (I am a MAJOR Foodie!!).

My youngest was very concerned.  She didn’t want me to leave forever.  But I told her I can park my tiny home in her driveway whenever I’m not traveling.  She thought her mom was going to become a Nomad in my senior citizen years.  That I was going to be forever on the road.  I would never leave my kids forever.  Especially my grandkids!  I mean come on!

This tiny house lifestyle is so intriguing to me.  People don’t believe that I could handle this type of lifestyle.  I guess I’m a hoarder.  But a tiny home should help me break that habit.  I guess I should try to break that habit before I invest in my tiny home.  I’ve got about 15 years to do that.  Wow.  15 years.  That’s not long at all!

I mean just look at these houses!!

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They are just amazing!  And really this all the space my older self and wife need.  Two lesbians on the road with their litter trained bunny rabbit.  That would be an interesting blog!