Posted in Spirit

The Difference.

Now that I’ve put some serious effort into having a relationship with God, I can totally tell the difference when I make time for Him or not.  I haven’t been in my Bible for weeks (minus when I’m at church) and I haven’t read any devotionals like I have been.  And let me tell you, it’s a weird feeling when I’m aware of the changes.  A couple of days ago is when I realized that I needed to get back into seeking God and focusing on Him.

For those of you who may not know, Kate McKinnon is my celebrity crush at the moment.  I know she’s been around forever but I didn’t start fangirling on her until I saw the trailers to Ghostbusters (gun licking, amiright?).  But I was able to keep it under control because I focused on God and building a closer relationship with Him.  Once I stopped devoting time to my faith, the obsession grew to the point where I would watch every YouTube clip of Kate I could get my greedy little hands on.  I would also watch Ghostbusters every night before bed.  (I wish that was an exaggeration.)  Then a couple days ago, I finally realized that this got out of hand.  Idolatry came to my mind.

Idolatry doesn’t have to be you worshipping a golden calf or a different god(s).  It is anything or any person that takes away time from God.  Ouch.  I was worshipping Kate instead of God.  Yikes!  Then a little voice in my head tried to convince me that it was ok watch all the clips and movies.  It was fun.  Kate was funny and hot.  Why would I want to deprive myself of that?  That’s when I really had to take a step back and reevaluate what was going on.  It wasn’t healthy.  Not only that, I was disrespecting my beautiful better half.  I’m sure that she was tired of me going on and on about this celebrity.  Even though she would never say it.  I started feeling icky.

Other behaviors started creeping back in as well.  I started cursing a lot more.  I’ve been really irritable and I started thinking the worst case scenarios about EVERYTHING!  I always thought it was because I wasn’t on my happy pills.  But I’m on my full dose and half and I’m still having these issues.

Now my focus is to be more focused on God because I’m really not liking the person I’ve started to become in these few weeks.  I know others probably haven’t noticed but I’ve really started know the difference.  And I’m thankful that I can correct it before it got too out of hand.

Keep me in your prayers!

Posted in Body

It’s Just Not Worth It.

The drug rep brought in pizza. If you know anything about me, you know I love pizza. It is my life. As I sat down in the break room to eat my lunch of pepperoni and cheese sticks I brought from home, the admin assistant joked with me. 

Her: How can you sit in here and resist that pizza? 

Me: I just got to the point where it’s not worth it anymore. 

We all have that breaking point. When enough is enough and you mean it. You really can’t expect to change the way you eat and not mean it. You will not succeed if you are just trying to lose weight in time for swimsuit season. You have to realize that your body needs better food than what you’re giving it. You have to make this a lifetime change. I came to this point twice in my life. 

I’m so far deep into this way of eating that it physically hurts when I cheat. Which I think is fantastic!  And I really don’t want to cheat. 

I use myfitnesspal to log my macros to make sure I’m on point. My best friend is using it too but she’s not eating keto. She weighs herself everyday. She says that’s the only way to keep her accountable. PHEW! That would be a nightmare for me. I only weigh in once a month. I hate that friggin scale. I always have. It’s a definite demotivator for me. 

All I can say is I can feel the positive affects of this way of eating. And I know that I’m worth it. 

What are some of the things that keep you motivated? 

Posted in Relationships

Happy Anniversary, My Love!

Holy crap!  Has it already been a year??

I remember that night.  I was going to wait until we actually physically met to ask EJ to officially be my girlfriend.  I was a little nervous to ask.  I knew she would say yes but I guess I just felt silly asking her.  Like we were in middle school or something.

I wanted to be official not only for the sake of us being exclusively together but it felt like I was finally officially a lesbian.  I don’t know if that makes sense to anyone else.

I love my girl so much!  I seriously can’t see myself with anyone else.  And I’ve tried.  When we had our rocky beginning, I would try to imagine myself with someone else and it was the most awful feeling.  I felt physically sick.

This year has been amazing!  Actually meeting my love physically for the first time.  When we hugged, I could feel our souls connect instantly.  That first hug… I just have no words that could even come close to describing it!  Spending time with her was THE highlight of the year.  I feel so natural with her and it’s amazing to receive the same level love as I give.  I never thought that I would be loved like she loves me.

She’s my biggest fan.  My rock.  My adorable dork.  My sexy momma.  My everything.  I am just so happy and proud to call her mine!  I can’t wait to see what next year has in store for us.

I love you, honey bee!  One year down and a lifetime to go!

Posted in homosexuality

My Gay Agenda

I was going to type this up on National Coming Out Day but I also wanted to post on my blog 3 days a week.  So, yeah.  I’ve been struggling on connecting thoughts and ideas on this post.  I’ve rewritten this first paragraph a couple times.  I’m really not sure what I want to convey.

A few months ago, when I was a self-hating little lesbian, I stumbled upon a blog whilst scrolling through the lesbian tag.  The theme was along the lines of “not re-writing the Bible for the gays.”  It really hurt and offended me.  I’m trying to get the whole being offended personally by everyone thing under control. I know for myself.  That is not a part of my Gay Agenda.  I don’t want you to re-write the Bible.  I’m good.  God and I are good.

One of the things about me is that I do not want anyone to change so that I can be made comfortable.  But believe me when I say I will do anything to twist and contort and try to change myself in order to make you comfortable.  I’m done with that.  I don’t want you to re-write the Bible and I won’t re-write myself.  We are both beautiful the way God intended.

So what is my Gay Agenda?  To marry the love of my life and have adventures with our kids.  Hopefully meet and inspire people everyday.  I hope to raise our kids in a loving and supportive environment where they can be what they have always wanted to be.  And I hope to help others in any way I can.  Extending God’s love through me to you.  That’s my agenda.  And I can’t wait to get started on it.

 

Posted in Body

I Choose Me

My sisters and I were talking one day at my niece’s birthday party.  My mom and sister (the mom of the birthday girl and from this point on she shall be known as MS) worked very hard on all the yummy sugar packed treats for everyone.  The eldest sister (we shall call her ES for short) is the one that got me into the Keto way of eating and we were discussing foods to avoid.

Me:  We can’t have popcorn right?

ES:  Nope.

MS:  That’s why I couldn’t be on that diet.  I love popcorn too much.

I almost said that I love myself too much but knowing my track record that would come off very wrong.  I have a serious Sheldon complex sometimes.  It sounds right in my head but when I form actually sentences, it’s just bad.  I laugh when Sheldon or Sherlock get into certain situations that they seem so obtuse about.  But in real life, it’s really not that funny.

It’s the truth though.  My life has turned around in all aspects.  I’m finally starting to love myself.  I’m starting to care what I put in my body emotionally, spiritually and physically.  Butter slathered popcorn may sound delicious but it’s really not worth it.

I’m tired of being sluggish.  I’m tired of hating myself when I can’t fit into my favorite clothes.  I’m tired of not being the best example I can be for my kids.  I’m just tired!  I choose me!  I do not choose the cheese puffs or the popcorn or the candy bars.  Over and over, I choose me.

I’m no longer calling this a diet.  A diet, to me, sounds too temporary.  This is how I’m going to be eating for the rest of my life.  I’ve even started to think of ways to make my wedding cake and reception food keto friendly.  The food really is delicious!

At the current moment, I’m having issues keeping my protein at a moderate amount.  I’m doing ok with the carbs and fat but it just seems like anything that has zero carbs it packed full of protein.  ES says that I have to limit my dairy to 4 oz a day and my meat to 4 – 6 oz.  OMG!  I’m going to starve.  Even eggs are high in protein.

So I’m calling on my Keto readers!  What do you for food that doesn’t tip your protein macros over the edge?

 

Posted in USA

Decision 2016

I am not a very political person.  I shock most Americans when I tell them I have never voted.  One of my high school friends who was very much into politics would always try to convince me to vote because it’s my right as an American.  But I’m not very well educated in politics and policies.  I don’t believe I should vote if I don’t know enough about the candidates.  I think that’s more dangerous than not voting at all.

I’ve never had a desire to vote either until this year.  Until we are STILL killing innocent people with senseless violence and I feel no one the government is doing their part.  I was raised Democrat but I wouldn’t say I’m a Democrat.  I’m in support of whoever supports whatever is important to me.  So I’ve been back and forth.  On the fence as to whether I want to vote or not.  Lots of different information coming from both camps.  One day, I will be all like “I CAN’T WAIT TO VOTE!!”  Next day, I’m like these candidates are in a circus and not the funny good vibes ones.

I came across a post from J.S. Park that really made me think.  It is entitled Seven Questions to Ask Before Voting.  All of the mudslinging and all of the insults and lies and corruption, at the end of the day, every voter should be asking these questions.  I’m tired living in a divided country.  I’m tired of us vs. them mentality.  Vote for the candidate that is going to unify us.

The President isn’t the one we should be trusting in anyways.