Posted in exes, Family, Relationships

Return to Paradise

The girls’ dad moved out last Monday to move back in with his wife.  They are making good efforts to stay together.  I’m so happy about this.  I hate when couples divorce because marriage is too hard for them.  Trust me.  I’m not anti-divorce. There are very good reasons to divorce. But throwing a fit like a little baby because things aren’t going your way is not a good excuse.

Early last week, I emailed his wife and said that I am so happy that they are back together and working it out.  I told her that I and my family are continuing to pray for them.  I never got a response back.  I went into overthinking mode (Imagine that!) and tried to recount my steps.  What did I do to offend her?  The last thing I said to her was when she flipped out when she heard BD had plans.  Then BD texts me and said it wasn’t cool that I told her that he had plans.  So I sent her a text back saying that I didn’t need the stress so don’t ask me about BD ever again.  I thought maybe that was too harsh.  I thought maybe I should apologize to her for being so direct while she was hurting from the break up.

I decided to text BD to see if his wife was mad at me (because I’m 12 and all).  He never answered the question but instead talked about changing his mailing address back.  So now I’m EVEN more suspicious. I told him to call me as soon as he could. He called me on my lunch break.  I asked if she was mad at me.  I said that I wanted to be her friend again.  He said “Well that’s never going to happen.”  Of course I’m on my period and super emotional.  I started crying and asked him why.  Is it because I’m gay?  I didn’t know what I did wrong. And blah blah blah!  (I feel so stupid for crying now.)  He said that she wants a separate life from my family and me.  They have a lot of stuff to still get through.  And it’s just easier for her to not be a part of my family.  

Her family and friends probably were in her ear about how weird it is to have a good relationship with the ex-girlfriend.  Even though, I am no threat whatsoever.  Her family doesn’t know I’m gay so maybe they do think it’s weird.  But I’m pretty sure she’s told her family by now that I like the ladies.  And I really can’t help that my family is awesome.  Are we weird? Definitely!  But my family is the best!  We take everyone in and it’s really hard to leave our family when we’ve accepted you into the pack.

I’m going to miss BD.  He’s been one of my best friends.  We’ve been through a lot together.  He is really an awesome dad to the girls.  I just know this new rule means hardly any time with him.  But I guess it’s normal to not spend a lot of time with your ex.  But really… who said I was normal??

Posted in God, LGBT, Rants

My Heartbreaks in Two

and then in two again.  It’s a very sad situation when you’re a Christian and a Lesbian.  Both sides are hurting.  Both sides are being dealt with injustices and horrors.  I logged into my email and there was a message from Bible.com stating that Bible translators had been killed. Then I log into WordPress and read a story of someone’s misfortunes and fears as traveling as a trans individual.

I understand that Christians are feeling threatened.  I even understand why some won’t perform marriages or make wedding cakes for same-sex couples.  I understand why the LGBT+ community is angry at the discrimination.  I’ve been in this community for only a short time because I came out to myself last year.  Even though I’m new to this, I know that this battle has been long and hard for the LGBT+ community.  Finally, enough is enough for them.  They (I guess I can say “We”) have been bullied and beat and killed enough. We are humans just like everyone else. We do not deserve this.

Christians have also been persecuted, beaten and killed because of our beliefs. I’ve been bullied and yelled at and hurt because people think that Christianity is dumb and God is dead.  Things are changing with this new found confidence from the LGBT+ community.  I feel Christians are ill equipped for this.  I feel that we have been taught hate for so long. We have been threatened by hell fire if we even look or talk at a gay person.  It’s so sad that we are not equipped correctly when God has given us the tools all along. The greatest of these is Love.  

As a Christian, I do not believe that someone should force me to waiver on my beliefs and faith.  As a Lesbian, I do not believe that Christians should be so hateful and closed minded and hide behind Uncle Sam.  If you do not want to marry a gay couple, you shouldn’t have to. If you don’t want to bake a cake for a gay person, you shouldn’t have to.  When I go out looking for an officiant to marry me and my girl, I want someone who wants to marry us and gives us his or her blessings.  Why would I want to force it on someone?  There are so many people and businesses out there that will cater to the LGBT+ community.  We should be supporting them.  Not forcing someone who does not want to do it.

These are just my opinions.  Sorry it’s so scattered and everywhere.  My heart is breaking for my two communities.  I hope one day we can all love one another like it was commanded in that Great Book a lot of people are swinging as a hateful weapon.

Posted in Family

Things Only an Aunt Will Understand

Just the other day I realized something very sad. I will miss my niece’s high school graduation. I’ll be in New Zealand at that time. I’m not sure why I didn’t think of that when I was booking my flights.  But I am so very sad.

I told my niece and she said that she completely understands. They will have the ceremony streaming and so I can watch her get her diploma on the internet. She said that I wouldn’t be missing much.

But she doesn’t understand! I’ve known her since she was a little chunky angel baby. I’ve seen her grow into a beautiful, smart, and strong woman. She finished school early. She’s been out of school since December. She’ll be going to school to become a medical assistant in April. I am just so very very very proud of her!!

But I won’t be there to get pictures with her in her cap and gown. I won’t be there as part of her family at the graduation party. I do not like that I will be absent from all of this.  Most of you aunts know what I’m talking about!

I will watch her graduation online and hopefully Skype her during the graduation party for a little bit. It won’t be the same but that’s all I can get.

Posted in God, Travel

My Prayers

are with the victims, families, friends, government, and the whole people of Belgium.

I pray they find peace. I pray they will receive healing of the body, mind and spirit. I pray they find comfort. I pray they find justice. I pray they find forgiveness.

It’s a little scary to see this when I will be frequenting many airports in less than a couple months. But my days are numbered. If I am to be killed by terrorists, then it is what it is. God did not give me a spirit of fear. I will not live behind a locked door.

God bless everyone!!

Posted in Fitness

Bras

I need new bras. Of course, the boobs are the first to be sacrificed to the fitness gods.  What little boobs I do have to sacrifice. Which means my current bras are doing this weird indentation thing that makes my boobs look crazy.

I’ve never been to a formal fitting. I guess I should.  I am so self conscious about my boobs that I just get all awkward and weird about bras and such. 

It’s the classic tale of boyfriend finds my boobs inadequate and starts staring at other boobs WHILE WE ARE STILL DATING!!! Now my poor girlfriend has to put up with all the self boob loathing. Plus I’m so jealous of her boobs! They are so amazing!!

It’s so funny and sad at the same time because that is the only part of my body I hate. It’s funny because I’m overweight with a huge butt (which I LOVE my artic shelf!!!).  I guess that’s what frustrates me. What fat girl doesn’t have boobs??? Well the women in my family. That’s who. Curse you genetics!!

I try to be confident and not body shame myself when my girls are around. I never want them to be self conscious and hate their bodies.  They get that enough out in the world. They don’t need it when they come home.

The word on the street is that a correct bra fitting can boost your confidence. So I’m going to give it a go. And try not to beat myself up about it.

Posted in Fitness

Miss Vee Getting Fit Special Edition: Workout Buddies

Sorry this post is so late. I was going to write one last night but I decided to wait until after my physical training session tonight.

I feel I am getting stronger! Last week, I was so weak after one of my sessions that I nearly vomited and passed out. Whew! That’s when I decided that I should eat more when I plan on doing my physical training. 

I’ve done battle ropes and I felt so much  like Ruby Rose. HA! And I’ve flipped a huge tire.  I still have the bruises on my arm as proof.

I’ve also acquired two very lovely ladies as my workout buddies. They are so nice and one is always cheering me on when I wanna give up during the cardio portion of the session.

I’m really very excited about getting stronger and finding new buddies!!